3 Steps to Let Go of Mom Guilt for Good

mom guilt

Why do Mom’s feel guilty about so many different things?  I feel guilty I quit my job to be a stay at home mom; I feel guilty I work 50 hours a week.  I feel guilty I don’t bring in enough money, yet seem to spend so much of it. I feel guilty I’m so tired after work that I just want to eat and sleep.  I feel guilty I want a night out with my friends. I feel guilty I’m missing story time again because I’m out with friends. I feel badly because my kid was the only one not wearing the right color at the school musical.  I feel badly that I missed another school musical.

Seems like no matter who you are as a parent, you feel guilty.  The thing is, we put these feelings on ourselves. We have created it in our heads.  Truth is, we shouldn’t feel guilty when we’re doing the right thing for ourselves and our families. If we would just notice the moment and the exact thing that is making us feel guilt and then acknowledge it and make a call: is it the right thing to do or is it the wrong thing to do.  Then once the call is made and our behavior or decision set, let go of the guilt. Take two minutes and turn it around, like this

  1. In what way is “the thing I feel guilty about” also in anyway possible a blessing?
  2. Mental note: the blessing is _________. Thank you, Lord for the blessing of_________.
  3. Final Step: Let Him hold your guilt and focus on the blessing.

For instance, I feel guilty I quit my job to be a stay at home mom. Thank you for trusting me to be the mother of this child.  Thank you that my husband has a stable, secure income and can provide for me to be the primary role in my children’s lives.

Another example: I feel guilty I work 50 hours a week.  Thank you for the work.  Thank you that I love my work so much that 50 hours of my time is spent doing things I truly enjoy doing.  Thank you that my family has food on their table, red wine in our belly, and a warm roof over their heads.

I cannot quote any single piece of scientific evidence that my method will work for you to resolve your guilt.  But I am a truth teller and this is my truth. I pray in times of negative and positive emotion and in each, I am better for it.  

Fantasy Football

What am I thinking?  I can’t be the commissioner for a fantasy football league.

Pros

  • My kid likes football
  • It is a Sunday afternoon delight
  • Snacks
  • Wine
  • Hoodies and yoga pants
  • I know there are two divisions the AFC and the NFC
  • Bonding with my kid

Cons

  • I don’t know squat about current players
  • I frequently forget all the positions of the players on the field
  • Sometimes I don’t remember which down we’re at
  • I don’t know the difference between the teams on the AFC or the NFC
  • I don’t do good just sitting around on the couch
  • I’ll have to read or work on the side
  • I should be taking my kids to church
  • Just another app to follow on my phone

Cons has it by one so far.  But I’ve already bought the league and sent the invites.

It is interesting what people will do to make their kid smile.  Well, I suppose I can only speak for myself.  But I like to make my kids happy.  I don’t shy away from pissing them off with chores and homework and baths.  But when I can make them happy, when I get the right backpack, or make a dinner they all enjoy – I’m pleased and it feels good.

So I guess we’ll just see how this goes! 

3 Pilates Tips

I started studying Pilates in my twenties and have always been in love with the feel-good format.  I never had great posture as a kid; even today I have to make a mental effort to re-position or re-align throughout the day.  The beauty of Pilates is that it is TRULY for everyone.  All human bodies would benefit from consistent, weekly Pilates practice.

This week’s new workout focuses entirely on Pilates and core strength.  A stronger core decreases back pain and lengthens the body allowing for better overall movement and spinal function.  The fifth workout in our Summer Series on MaverickRx is perfect for all levels of Pilates practitioners.  Keep these 3 Pilates Tips in mind while performing these exercises:

1 – Quality of movement is superior to quantity of movement.  Do each movement purposefully and with skill; do not perform sloppy, fast movement to reach a set number of reps!

2 – Connect your breath with each movement.  Skillfully exhaling when you exert the energy into the movement.

3 – Lengthen all movement away from your calm, controlled center.

Try this ten minute series today!

Make it a great day!

-Melissa

Saying “No”

Do you struggle saying no?  Are you afraid to hurt people’s feelings but feel like you give away too much of yourself and it often leads to burnout?

Life is too short to feel burnt out, folks.  You need to take care of you.  From work commitments to the kids sports or after school programs, sometimes there isn’t enough time in the day.  When it comes to volunteering or socializing, your time is PRECIOUS and it is TOTALLY OK  to NOT DO IT ALL.

One of the tricks to saying no is not giving more information than necessary.  Simply saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t make it” should suffice.  It gets tricky when the person you are replying negatively to responds with a “Why not?”  or “Can’t you come for a little bit…”  I think people should respect each other enough to allow “no” to be OK.

Its important to set boundaries for happiness sake.  If we go go go 24/7/365 there is no rest, recovery, or comfort in our minds.  Setting aside time to just relax is vital and if we can’t say no, or if we don’t accept it when it’s said to us, we aren’t being fair.

What do you think?  Is no the most often or least often used word?

My best thinking.

night owlSometimes I think “Melissa, go to bed.”  But that would be silly.  I do my best thinking at night.  I create.  I dream.  Even if I’m sleeping, I’m dreaming some crazy business.  My brain lights up at night time.  I think it is one of the parts of me that I love and hate.

If you have children, you understand.  Night owls pay a hefty price come 6 am when the little darlings start to pitter-patter.  My children are old enough now to leave me the f’ alone.   When I had my girl, we call her Goose, I sorta became a morning person.  Because there she was so stinking cute every.single.morning.  What was a mom supposed to do?

But the fact is now, they get up and they TRY to get past my bedroom door in the mornings so they can have their “me time”.  They get dressed and ready for whatever the day will bring.  There is no “me time” unless you’re ready to walk out the door.  The fellas get up, get dressed, watch some TV or play Fortnite and are ready to hit the breakfast table when I ring that bell.

It’s a flipping fantasy land blessing that these creatures are letting me sleep in on the weekend.  I’m like “AHHH!!  It’s me!  Welcome back to stays up late sleeps until 9 Melissa!”

So why am always trying to change what seems like innate parts of me.  And I’m not alone – people everywhere are on major missions to change.  But do we need to change everythign?

This madness has to stop.  Why do people try to make things different all the time?  Don’t you kick ass just the way you are?  So maybe there are a few things you need to polish up.  Don’t be one of those jag offs who swears in front of stranger’s children.  Keep it together in public, you know.  Aside from literally being an asshole, we’re all allowed a certain amount of give from the idea of “perfection”, right?

I don’t really want to reform my night owl ways.  I should embrace them.  I should quit trying so damn hard to give up on chocolate.  I love chocolate.  I should give voice to my faith.  I should drink more water.

We all have shoulds.  I should mow the grass.  I should schedule the doc appointment.

Just Do you.  Best as you can, just as you are.  Embrace the night owl.

Running Like We Are On Fire Toward Our Wildest Dreams

RUN LIKE WILD

MAVs Growth & Gratitude Journal Response:

Why don’t we run like wild TOWARD our wildest dreams?  My daughter and I were at the Taylor Swift concert the other night and Taylor was talking about how she started so young as a songwriter.

It was her wildest dream.  She ran toward it.

We all should be so brave as to chase the exact thing we want.  But so REALISTIC to understand the incredible amount of work it takes to climb to the top of a mountain.  No one ever got to be Taylor Swift without busting serious ass.  Is life worth living without hard work?

I’m starting to think it isn’t.  I’m starting to think the only way to fully live the single life I have been given is by being myself entirely, writing feverishly, and working hard to help people.

My “wildest dreams” have always been to write & help people.  I’m working now to marry the two dreams so I can live my dream.  Because I acknowledge this is the only life I will ever get.

I suggest you figure out your dream and then run like hell-fire AT IT.  

(I would like to wrap by noting one thing: we all gotta pay the bills.  I understand that.  I, too, have bills to pay and therefore work a 50 hour week to get ‘er done.  Running at my dreams is a midnight affair, a crack of dawn, and lunch break obsession.  Creating the path to living your dream might be laden with late nights and long hours..just sayin’)

For more information on the MaverickRx Growth & Gratitude Journal please email melissa@maverick-rx.com today!

Come to me – Matthew 11:28

COME TO ME ALL WHO ARE WEARY

MAV’s Growth & Gratitude Journal Response:

Some days I feel worn out.  Just straight tired.  There are mornings I wake up and do not want to get out of bed.  Days when I’m up and hard charging, but just hit a wall or run into a moment of the day that reminds me of some awful, deep gutted sadness and all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

A friend of mine committed suicide in December and I was knocked off my center.  He was a giver.  I felt like with him in my life I had a handle on my professional future.  He seemed to nurture the creativity in me and we spent hours talking about the future.  Because of all of the forward planning we did together, for work, it never crossed my mind that he felt there was not enough to live for.  Even writing that single sentence doesn’t feel right at all.  I just feel like it isn’t true.

Anyway, I was knocked into the land of weary for awhile.  Then yesterday I walked into my office and there was a giant picture of him sitting on my desk.  I know where it came from, I know where I put it, but I don’t know why it was out on my desk.  I don’t know if my kids were messing around in my things or if my husband found it.  But just seeing it knocked me down a few rungs.

I can’t make sense of things of this nature.  I can’t make sense of why God put him in my life and then took him away.  But I can only rest well when I share my sadness and grief with God.  I can’t carry some of the big sadness alone.  It is too heavy for me.  When I lean into God for strength, and I ask him for help, he always delivers.  When I can’t sleep at night because my mind is a swirl of worry or to-do, if I lean in, he lightens the load and I rest.  When I encounter that worry or anxiety throughout the day, if I take pause and lean in, he delivers the peace I need to keep trucking through the day.

I would not be who I am today without my relationship with God.  I don’t know why I was never brave enough to write about it before.  Maybe because I didn’t ask him to help.  Maybe because I was afraid of people thinking I was trying to convert them.  Maybe because of the non-believers in the world who don’t get it, honestly, I don’t know what’s kept me quiet.  But I have never been more my full-self than I am now.  I’ve always shared my life, I’ve always told stories.  But I have rarely shared about my faith.

The fact is, all of the good things in my life are answered prayers.  Even Robert, my friend who passed in December, was an answered prayer.  Whenever I have leaned in, I’ve found comfort and guidance.  Each time I am weary, I pray; I always find help, direction, guidance, support, strength, or rest.  For that, I am grateful today and each day I wake up to hard-charge again.

For more information on the MaverickRx Growth & Gratitude Journal please email melissa@maverick-rx.com today!

Clear Your Mind of Can’t.

CLEAR YOUR HEAD OF CAN'T

MAV’s Growth & Gratitude Journal Response:

You CAN do anything you set your mind to, put consistent effort into, and work hard for.  YOU CAN.

Sometimes though…

I get tripped up on this one daily.  It usually looks like this: “I can’t get everything done today.”

But the truth is, I canIf I set myself up to succeed with a realistic plan & then talk it over with God & then, here is the tricky part, LET GO.

If you are anything like me, you are probably sitting there trying to stuff “10 lbs of apples into a 5 lb bag” (one of my favorite Rhonda-isms.)  But it’s true, so many of us are trying to cram way too much into a single day then feeling overwhelmed & stressed when all the things don’t get done.  I like to prioritize the top 5 items each day – smash those out & then I feel good about anything else that does get accomplished, like icing on the cake.

What I’ve learned though is even when I create my plan & it can be intricate with times by each line item – I have to talk to God about the day & I have to be open to His plan differing from mine.  When I allow for His guidance and help through a day, it runs well even if it doesn’t all get “done.”  I have less anxiety about the tasks, I have more patience with myself (which also trickles to those around me), & I just feel better.

For more details on the MaverickRx Growth & Gratitude Journal send me a message at melissa@maverick-rx.com today.  

Build Each Other Up

ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER

MAV’s Growth & Gratitude Journal Response: 

This verse speaks to me in several areas of life: professionally and personally.

I teach fitness classes a few mornings each week and I work in marketing for two national fitness brands.  In each of these areas, the more positive I am – the smoother things run.  When met with adversity in business, if I wait to respond without anger, the results are always better.

In my role as a mother, the more encouraging I am and the more I build my kids up, rather than knocking them down, the smoother my household runs.  When I ask my children to do chores, take the time to teach them the new jobs and we all work together at our chores, the better it goes.  But if I give them a job and then yell at them when they don’t do it – we are worse off than if I’d just done the job myself.  When I talk with them about encouraging each other and their friends, the less fighting I have inside my house.  People are more inclined to help each other in my house when I am patient, positive, and consistent.

I also think this verse applies within my marriage.  When we help each other reach goals and talk through challenges together we feel connected, like a team.  When we try to do things on our own, “our own way”, or try not to burden the other person with an issue – we feel disconnected and lonely.

So lately, I’ve been taking pause and running this idea through my head.  How can I respond to build people up?  How can I be encouraging in this situation?

To learn more about the MaverickRx Growth & Gratitude Journal send me an email at melissa@maverick-rx.com today!

Balancing Acts

Summer 2018This summer join the ladies of MaverickRx on a 10 week summer program designed to help you perform your balancing act with grace and joy.  Connect the dots between your physical health and your joy.  This FREE program will help you stress less and keep working toward fit.

Rhonda and I often talk about how to balance our days and weeks.  Sometimes, and we love them no matter what, but our husbands maybe don’t want to walk through every logistical detail of our scheduling.  From teaching class, to piano, to this conference call, to the dentist, back for that conference call, then work and the dinner. Then soccer practice, showers, reading, prayers and bedtime.  Then its cleaning the kitchen, back to the office, folding laundry, and finally to bed.  Sometimes in the rush rush rush.  I have lost sight of one very significant aspect of this scenario.  Me.

Do you ever feel like that? 

When I notice it usually I’ve gotten pulled into some neighborhood drama or I focus on the dirty laundry on the floor rather than the closet full of clothes in the closet.  I see the dirty floor of my house and not the home we’ve built for our family.

Two years ago Rhonda and I started reading Jesus Calling.  A daily prayer journal.  It starts with a scripture, then gives a little wisdom, and has a few lines for writing thoughts about the day.  I write the three things I am thankful for every single day.  The three things vary depending on the day before or what lies ahead.  Jesus Calling is the second thing I do each day.  (First thing to do is get the coffee.)  Then I jot a few things down about whatever is on my mind or whatever the journal prompt is.

It has undoubtedly helped to balance my life.  I am more inclined to prioritize value in my life.  Waking each day with a gratitude focus has dialed me into a positive mindset that can be easily calmed and more rationale.  The few lines of writing about the day and taking the five to fifteen minutes (sometimes thirty! ) for myself have allowed me the space to connect again with God and with myself.

The person I was before I had my family has not gone away.  She is there, grown up a bit, more mature (80% of the time) but she is still there.  She is still happy and she still loves to write and sing and dance and be goofy.  She still wants to make people smile and hear laughter in her home.  She wants to learn and push people to think.

But when I get off balance, I don’t feel so much like me.  I feel less like me and more like this nagging lunatic of a woman who just wants everyone to eat their entire dinner, help me with the dishes, and brush their teeth the first time I ask.

So this summer, Rhonda and I decided to extend ourselves a little more outside our comfort zones, and offer you an experience that will help you reclaim balance & live your life with intent.  Maybe its not your thing – and that is cool, too.  But it is free and might be just the thing to keep your calm through these hectic 10 weeks of summer.

Beginning Sunday June 3 we will offer a FREE GRATITUDE AND INTENT JOURNAL.  This 10 week summer program is not fitness focused; this program pulls together all aspects of overall mental and physical health – the whole being.  We’ll focus on:

  • Balance
  • Priorities
  • Gratitude
  • Intent
  • Physical Health

The journal is ready for release and will be available to our Facebook group on June 3.  If you’d like a preview, sneaky-peek sign up with MaverickRx on Messenger or join our email Insider group for first dibs.

The journal is one you can print.  You can write on and mark up.  You can also connect with us in Messenger and on the Facebook page posts that will generate some of the discussion and reflection.